LeadSA was recently launched in South Africa, urging us to all stand up and be leaders of our community, keeping in the spirit of the 2010 Soccer World Cup. What a fabulous idea!
How can I make a difference you may ask? We can all make a difference by being the kind of role model for our youth that we would have wanted as children, whether we are parents or not.
Children live what they see and copy the adults around them, so if they see adults being abusive and disrespectful, they will mirror this behaviour, perpetuating the cycle of violence. |
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Choose to be a leader in your home and community by pledging to STOP smacking and using corporal punishment with our children, breaking the cycle of violence and creating the change needed to lead SA to success.
Research over decades shows that there is NEVER a good reason to smack a child and while many adults argue that they have turned out fine despite being smacked as children, studies suggest that while this may sometimes be the case, generally smacking has a negative effect on a child, and it is not worth putting your child at risk.
Lowers a child’s IQ-What are the risks of smacking? Extensive research shows that smacking interferes with the process of learning and in fact lowers a child’s IQ. A study at The University of New Hampshire in 1998 showed that the more a child is smacked, the lower their IQ is four years later.
Smacking triggers the fight-or-flight response in children which limits their creativity and ability to think, hence they have difficulty problem solving. Parents who reason and talk with their children are developing their child’s intellectual ability, and teaching them to think critically.
Hitting creates fear by teaching a young child that they “did wrong and must now suffer because they are bad. If the only reason children have for not doing something wrong is the fear of being punished, what guidelines will they have for behaviour when no one is there to punish them?” asks Pam Leo author of ‘Connection Parenting’. Albert Einstein concurs that: “If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.”
Hitting is violence. When a child is born “parents intend to teach their child to be courteous, respectful, responsible, kind or loving . Hitting is not courteous, respectful, kind or loving. Hitting is violence. The only ‘lessons’ hitting can teach a child is to hit and to fear and distrust those that hit them,” explains Leo.
Louise Arbour, The United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights agrees that, “Violence against children is a violation of their human rights, a disturbing reality of our societies. It can never be justified whether for disciplinary reasons or cultural tradition. No such thing as a ‘reasonable’ level of violence is acceptable. Legalized violence against children in one context risks tolerance of violence against children generally.”
Smacking can unintentionally cause physical damage such as burst ear drums, concussion, whiplash, injury to the pelvis, genitals, coccyx and spine, burst blood vessels, and the early onset of osteoarthritis, as well as the possibility that the child could fall and hurt himself while being smacked, according to The Opposition to Corporal Punishment of Children.
Children become indifferent to the pain of others. Parents smacking their child “numbs the child to pain over time which then translates to indifference to the pain of others. Those whose anger boils over become bullies, those who are paralysed with fear, the victims.” Robin Grille
Smacking teaches children they do not deserve respect. Dr. Alice Millar, author of ‘The drama of being a child,’ explains that smacking teaches children they do not deserve respect. How can they then choose partners as adults that treat them with respect if the grow up believing they do not deserve respect, “As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force, “concurs Dr. Boris Sidis.
Smacking damages the parent- child relationship- Parents may plan to stay calm when they smack their children but often they do not, and then regret their actions later, according to the American Academy of paediatrics. Smacking damages the parent- child relationship with smacked children being more likely to rebel against their parents and engage in risky behaviours, as well as using deception and lying to their parents to avoid being smacked. It is also likely that they may continue with this pattern of behaviour even when they are older, according to Dr. Aletha Solter.
Children learn to solve problems by smacking. By smacking their children parents are also teaching them ,“ That it's all right for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat,”explains Dr. Sears
Smacking is ineffective. Several studies show that smacking is ineffective, because it does not change children’s behaviour. Children might stop the moment they are smacked, but then repeat the behaviour later, with parents getting into the repetitious behaviour of smacking again. Clearly smacking doesn’t eliminate negative behaviour.
Smacked children are more susceptible to delinquent behaviour. They are also 80% more likely to suffer from depression and thoughts of suicide. Professor Murray Straus explains. He also discovered a correlation between spanked children and an increased likelihood to abuse drugs and alcohol.
Even the occasional smack can make children more aggressive with their peers and siblings. Smacked children are also likely to grow up to be belligerent adults who may smack their own children, Dr. Gershoff discovered in his many research studies on smacking.
“Since 1979 20 countries have prohibited all forms of corporal punishment of children, with the latest being Costa Rica, which prohibited corporal punishment in 2008. To date, no African country has done so,” according to the SANCHPC.
Verbal conflict resolution. How do these countries manage their children without smacking them and using corporal punishment? The method most commonly used by Swedish parents is “verbal conflict resolution,” where parents and children express their anger through discussion. Preverbal children are given lots of attention and parents childproof their homes, according to professor Haeuser.
Meeting the needs of children by tuning into children and pre empting what they need; be it food, attention, sleep or stimulation ensures that they are happy. Read the article ‘Smacking is not Positive Parenting’ on www.inspiredparenting.co.za
I urge you to go to our forum http://www.inspiredparenting.co.za/Forum.aspx and LeadSA by taking the pledge to stop smacking your children and using corporal punishment on them for a peaceful South Africa.
Pledge : “ I promise that I will not SMACK MY CHILDREN or use CORPORAL PUNISHMENT on them from today and for the rest of their life.”
Recommended Reading:
Connection Parenting by Pam Leo
Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
Raising our Children Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort
Helping Young Children Flourish by Aletha Solter |
